Tuesday, August 28, 2018


Today I read this post and YouTube video. Everything in our lives, we try to be happy, but we can't get it. The life is very hard to live. Life is tough and rough. Depend where you are, and who you are. Check it out:

Thursday, August 23, 2018

The Dark Side about Modern Technology

I have been read both articles at The Downside of Social Media and Mom Speaks Out After Girl, 12, Sets Herself on Fire While Attempting Viral ‘Fire Challenge'.

I am a Generation X (Early to Mid 1960s to Early 1980s). Which mean I was born in 1979. There is no Internet until 1994. But I haven’t gotten my hands on the Internet until 1998. I haven’t got a smartphone (Internet supported) until 2011. As for basic smartphone (No Internet supported), I had it in about 2005 but my parents couldn’t afford it. So I lost my basic smartphone.

So I am glad that the world wasn't a bad influence on me… Yet. When I was a teenager and a child, only locally bad influence was upon me. By locally I mean the people around me and in my life.

In 2000 as I explored the internet, I was shocked by the unknown in the world. “People do this?” and “People do that?” and all stupid stuff in the world. I’ve learned how people can be. There is something I didn’t realize what could happen to the people in the world could happen to me, too.

I was about 35 or 36. I like to watch prank and stupid videos. I am now tired of that type of videos so I don’t watch them anymore. One thing I want to do this to myself. Oh hey! I am an adult! (And don’t try this at home! SERIOUSLY).

I put the salt on my palm hand and put the ice cube on my hand for a few seconds to see how long I can suffer. But I stopped when it getting worse. No, it DOESN’T sticks to my skin! And I am 99% safe. The only 1% safe is I got itchy palm hand for a few days. It’s was annoying.

But it CAN burn your skin and end up in an emergency room at the hospital. DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME! SERIOUSLY!

I don’t do any stupid stuff much. The only stupid I did was the ice cube with the salt on my palm hand.

Bullying. This only happened to me at school because of course there are no social media back then.

But the kids today have too much of bullying online and trolling to them. Check out the link I put below:



Sunday, August 19, 2018

Through The Hard Times

I read a post at Preparing for hard times. I agree. The life is like a school. There are things we must learn to handle. There is no way to be 100% happy 24/7 this is impossible. We have a lot of negative and positive effect in our daily lives whatever we like it or not.


There are a lot of dark times we went through our lives. When people being mean to me, my mood switched to angry or sad, depending on the situations.


Sometimes we don’t always get what we want and we must accept the fact that we didn’t get what we want. Sometimes there are video games that I want but it end up either sold out or they don’t sell them anymore. When that happen, my mood can be switched to disappoint, sad, or upset.


As for living. I hate trailer homes. They are an ugly and cheap design that are easily breakable. Too small space in the trailer homes. I really want to live normal to bigger houses but we can’t because of our money and our incomes. Since I am stuck with what we have. With that, my mood usually unhappy, and frustrated.


I couldn’t find any jobs which make me feeling frustrated.


The main point is that we have to be accept with what we have, where we are, and who we are. We can’t change anything. We are stuck with what present to us.


Second point: Deal with it.

Second part B point: Handle with it.

Saturday, August 18, 2018


Hopeful… What am I hoping for? Well, I hope I’ll make it through my health issues (kidney, diabetes, and blood pressures). I’ll be able to find a job that willing to hire me. Be able to buy a nice house for myself so I can live on my own. Find me a wife. A family? Not sure. I don’t like kids. I don’t know if I want my own kids or not.

Hopeful for the world. I hope there will be world peace soon. Middle East stop the war for once. The 46th US president will be 100x better than Donald Trump. No more sexism, no more racists, and no more rapes. North Korea finally stop making bombs and change to normal government. A good government for North Korea. Africa becomes peace with much better government.

That’s about it.

Thursday, August 16, 2018

This Or That Challenge!

This Or That Challenge 

I was reading blogs on WordPress Reader, and I found two links. First I read at Uncustomary Housewife that referred to the original post at Man Vs Adulthood.

I’d like to get a challenge of This or That! :)

Shower In The Morning Or The Evening

In the morning! I like to clean everything on my body out before start a day!

City Centre Or Close To Nature

I am more of the City Center! I love nature, but I like a lot of activities and stuff to do in the city.

Bright Colours Or Neutrals

Umm… I’d go for Neutrals. I don’t like bright colors at all.

Spring Or Autumn

Spring. I love the smell of freshly grown of young plants. :)

Mint Or Cinnamon

Mint! I love them.

Planned Or Spontaneous

Planned. I am so OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)! So… Planned!

A Movie At Home Or At The Cinema

Home. Since I am deaf and it’s hard to find captions at cinema or theater. Home is the best choice for me.

Espresso Or Latte

Latte for coffee!

Hugs Or Kisses

Hugs. The feeling of somebody’s lip against my lip made me… awkward.

Spicy Food Or Mild

Umm…. Just mild. Mild will do.

Leather Or Lace

Eh? Umm… Leather???

Overdressed Or Underdressed

Overdressed. Look nice. Underdressed look…. Hippy.

Adventure Or Comfort

Adventure! :)

T.V Series Or Movies

T.V. Series. Sure I do like movies, but TV series tend to last longer. :)

Rock Or Country Music

Ahh. I am deaf and I no longer have hearing aids. But if I have hearing aids, I’ll choose ROCK!

Red Or White Wine

Umm… I don’t drink those much. But… Red Wine?

Working Alone Or In A Team

Working alone. I like everything MY WAY!

Swimming Or Sunbathing

This one difficulty to choose. Sunbathing… Since I am terrible at swimming.

Fast Food Or Sit Down Restaurant

Sit down at the restaurant.

Matched Or Mismatched Socks

Matched socks as I mentioned above: OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

Dancing Or Singing

Dancing because I am deaf. Singing is impossible for me.

Phone Or The Internet

Internet. A lot of stuff to read and learn! :)

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

My Kidney Health Issues

Well. I tried to find something to blog about. What the hell. I'm going to discuss my kidney health issues. I have my own two kidneys failures. The first kidney failure was at birth. This happens before I born. The second kidney was working fine. At the age of 7, the doctor noticed that my second kidney shape look strange. But wasn't sure if it would work all of my life. At the age of 28, the second kidney failed. I had a kidney transplant in 2008. I had my transplant kidney working for 10 years. Until February 2018, it failed again. For a transplanted kidney, the 10 years of working is not bad. Not seriously has as very short-lived transplant kidneys.

I am getting kidney dialysis three times a week. I must have an appointment several times for my kidney evaluation.

I do have live kidney donor, but the donor does not yet test. I do not know when the donor will go through the test before donor this person's kidney to me. Hopefully soon, not too long.

Recently, they also discovered I have another health issue. I have a reflex. A pancreas issue. They already tested by the scope and taking pictures in my pancreas. They called us about it. They told me that they haven't decided whatever watching for my pancreas or will have surgery for it.

I don't know when they will contact us for more information and what is their plans are...

I might keep you update when I can.

Saturday, August 11, 2018

My Journey To An Agnostic

It all started in 1997 when I was in junior year (11th grade in high school). Okay. Let me tell you a little bit about my life when I was a very young boy.

My family is a very strong Christian family. My life was a bible-belt life. I’ve lived in the pre-internet world about 19 years of my life (1979 to 1998) The information about the world was very limited.

My mom bought a book called Conversations With God Part 1 published by Neale Donald Walsch. My mom showed me a book and I read it. For a 18 years old boy, it was very confused. It was about 20 years ago that I don’t remember all of this book, but part of the book. The book talks about there are no right or wrong. I was asking a question myself “What does ‘no right and wrong’ mean?” All of my childhood and a teenage life I was taught that there ARE right and wrong in life. I didn't understand it at that time because as a teenager boy, it’s like saying there are no wrongs to murder someone. That doesn’t make sense. So I talked to my family about it, and they explained to me, but I still wasn’t completely understood it, because as I said before, it’s like saying there are no wrongs to murder someone.

But I choose to read some more because I might understand it better. And YES, murder is WRONG all the way, okay?! Some of it in the books woke me up about the bible has been written a thousand years ago based on a thousand years old culture. The present-day Middle East culture are different from thousand years ago Middle East culture. That made sense to me. I found out the truth about the history of medieval Europe and the church of its time. The medieval churches had a history of having fear-tactics to control people. I found out in middle medieval times, they threaten people to convert to Christian or get killed.

I was confused and wasn’t sure if I should change the way I was thinking. I was scared to change the way I was thinking for a few years. In 2002, I finally gained some confidence in myself. All of my childhood and teenager, I don’t have very strong confidence in myself. I believed that I cannot be myself. I must follow my parents’ way. I re-read Conversations With God Part 1. I decided to be open up myself and be more confident in myself.

I bought more books published by Neale Donald Walsch. The more I read, the more I wasn’t sure of his books because it seems that he thinks that he has all the answers.
I decided to try different books that my Mom bought. The book was published by a different author, Sylvia Browne (1936 – 2013). I like these books and bought a lot and a lot of books. I like her beliefs in new spirituality. I loved it so much that I believed in her books. It was so comforting thoughts for me. I loved it so much.

In about 2004 – 2005, I watched the bible documentary on History channel. One thing makes a point. If Adam and Eve were the first people, then how does Cain got his wife from? The bible doesn’t even say anything about where Cain’s wife come from.

This has been in my thoughts for a long time. Where does Cain’s wife come from? I did re-read and re-read the bible over and over, and it doesn’t even say anything about where Cain’s wife come from.

I’ve noticed in my old bible written in the Contemporary English Version. In Genesis 10:21 “Shem’s descendants had their own languages”. Then in Genesis 11 talk about The Tower of Babel. In Genesis 11:1 “At first everyone spoke the same language”.

Wait. Wait… Does Genesis 10 come before 11? First, the bible says everyone has their own language… Then in Genesis 11 the bible start to talk about the tower of babel states that everyone spoke the same languages? That doesn’t make sense to me.
I decided to quit christianity and join the new spirituality. In 2012, I discovered a new non-christian religion Pagan. I decided to try it out. I join it and made myself a solo-pagan. I have been a solo-pagan for a few years. In 2015, my belief in pagan started to fade and fade and fade.

I no longer feel connect to spiritual world anymore. I tried to research more religion and new spiritually. I feel nothing but I didn’t give up until 2018. I decided to officially become an agnostic!

Tuesday, August 07, 2018

I Prefer to Live in Late 80s to Early 90s

I was reading a blog post at A New Start – 80’s Summer. First of all, I realize that this link talks about the kids and the technology and has a skill to hack devices.

While I read that link, I’ve decided to talk about my feeling about technology taking over not just children, but also adults’ lives. I’ll have to admit — Yes. I do use technology. Only because I am isolated for 20 years. After my high school high school graduation in 1998, I have no contact with my friends… Expect my family. That is… Until the social media come up on the Internet. That would make sense for me to use technology because I am so lonely and have no one to talk to.

Now on to why I prefer to live in the late 80s to early 90s. That era was of course pre-Internet. No Facebook, no YouTube, and no blogs. I believe that the technology separate people from their friends and family. In that era, there was not much of technology. Yes, we do have computers back then, but there was no World Wide Web. We had some type of network where you could send messages to another computer. But the network was designed for business.

In the 80s and 90s, we had to go outside a lot, and I mean a lot to make friends meeting new friends. Not sitting on our asses and stare at the computer screen. If I had a job and had a lot and a lot of friends, I might won’t have YouTube and a blog. Facebook? Maybe, because it’s a way to connect my family who lives far away. I use YouTube and this blog to connect with another people around the world. It’s the only way I could talk to people.

Why I didn’t get out a lot. Well…. I have really serious kidney issues. Also, I have too much health issues like I couldn’t take a long, long walk. I didn’t drive because I am too scared. So. It’s like I am stuck in the house. In this day and age, 99.999% of jobs require skill and experience which I don’t have any.

In the 80s and 90s, I was a kid, pre-teen to a teenager. I am now 39 years old. At that time, I had a lot of toys to play and go outside a lot to keep me busy… But today… With no jobs because of no skills, and no experiences, and my too many very serious health issues… I am forced to be stuck in my house 24/7…

Man, I miss the old days… I am 39 years old and lonely… All alone…